


but when you find the thing that matters most, may you never let it go

by jaeyoonijagi



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Insecurity, M/M, a little angsty maybe??, but what's new, insecure taeyong, johnny is such a sweetheart, there's some anxiety in this, when traffic shuts down and you're stuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-06 23:37:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14658609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaeyoonijagi/pseuds/jaeyoonijagi
Summary: For the umpteenth time that day, he could feel his vision blur because of tears. No. He wouldn’t.





	but when you find the thing that matters most, may you never let it go

**Author's Note:**

> as the tags say, there are some anxiety related issues, but i wouldn't say it's anything serious and if i didn't go through this myself i wouldn't say it's triggering.
> 
> IT'S NOT WRITTEN IN LOWERCASE just so you know.
> 
> i hope you enjoy <3

The whole day had been bad. First thing in the morning, he had an important test to take, which went quite okay. His sister had asked him of a favor, she had been eyeing this one dress for almost two weeks, but had no time to go buy it, and therefore kindly asked her brother do get it for her. Who was Taeyong to turn down such simple task? 

 

How wrong he had been. He only had to take that one test, the rest of the day he was free, so he figured he could get the dress that day instead of during the weekend. Of course he double checked if the store was open and after a visit to the store’s homepage, he could happily make his way to the bus terminal. Greeting the bus driver, as polite as he was, he pressed his phone against the scanning machine, waiting for the beeping sound to show him he could go on the bus. No problem there.

 

The mall was surprisingly empty, or surprising and surprising, it was eleven am at a Tuesday. Of course it’d be empty. The mall was only one floor, thankfully, and locating yourself was fairly simple if you knew what you were going for. Taeyong kind of knew? He knew the store name, he knew what the dress was going to look like, but he had yet to find it. That’s when he realized he’d already walked past the store multiple times, but the store was under reparation, big wooden walls covering the store’s name. Why didn’t their site say so? He sighed deeply, frustrated over having wasted his time there. So he waited for a bus back. 

The thing is, he didn’t want to let his sister down, he knew how much she wanted the dress. That’s why he decided to google other locations the store could be. A bigger mall, an hour away. That wasn’t too much to ask for, right? An hour had passed since he finished his exam, spending another hour on a train ride to help his sister out wouldn’t do him any harm, right? Besides, he could connect to the train’s Wi-Fi and do homework and assignments then and there. Then he could spend more time with Johnny when he got back to their shared apartment. Smiling to himself, he considered the plan worth it. 

 

How wrong one could be. And no, the store wasn’t in reparation at the other, three floored mall, but they didn’t even have the dress he was looking for. He gave up. At least he tried. Making his way back to the train station, he went underground and waited. And waited. And waited. Frowning, he looked at the watch in the middle of the station and realize the train was five minutes late. No biggie. It would arrive soon. So he continued to wait. 

Judging by the people around him, he wasn’t the only one who was annoyed and confused. When the train was more than twenty minutes late, an announcement was heard, causing everyone to stop talking. 

"There are some technical difficulties. New set time is 2:52.”   
Okay. So half an hour. The train would be fifty three minutes late, but as long as it would come, it would be alright. Everything would be alright.

 

Hearing a train had never felt so good before, Taeyong finding himself smiling when he saw the lights at the end of the tunnel. Finally. He entered the train when it had come to an halt and found an empty seat. He was about to pick up his computer and charge his phone through it, as the phone was dying and his ticket was on said device, when the conductor spoke up, catching everyone’s attention. 

“Because of technical difficulties, we will go to the next station, but then the train will head back to where it came from. With other words, next station is the final stop.”

It had to be a joke. He did not just wait for almost an hour with no clues of what was going on whatsoever, to be told the train wasn’t going to take him closer to home. Nothing to do about that now. 

 

He wasn’t completely unfamiliar with the city, but when it came to the city busses he was more than lost. The fact that there were no time tables at the station made it even more difficult. He had no choice but to use his phone. Thankfully it didn’t have as little battery as it had said, his phone usually got confused by itself and showed either a smaller amount or bigger, but when charging it got to its real battery. 72%. It would go well, as long as the damn phone didn’t overheat in the sunny weather. Thinking back to when he got his passport done, he suddenly didn’t feel as helpless, as he now knew how to get to a bus to another big city where he could take the train to a smaller city close to his home. He would have to take two busses to the train station, take a train and then another bus to get home. Annoying, but it would have to do. Everything would be fine. 

Finding the first bus was a struggle, as they stopped wherever they wanted to, but he managed to get on it, and of course it didn’t have any power outlets, as it was a city bus. The other bus was a region bus, most of the time they provided power outlets. No need to worry. 

The next bus just had to be in front of his current bus when arriving at the bus stop, so he had to wait for the next one. Ten minutes never felt that long. He almost got scared when the bus came, it was filled, save for a few seats at the very back. Turned out he was lucky to sit there, while the other seats had one fan in the ceiling, at the back there were two, helping him breathe a little. It wasn’t as hot anymore, all the worrying got his body heated up in all the wrong ways, making it hard to breathe at times. Not to mention how the power outlets were working and everything felt good all of a sudden. 

 

Half an hour later he found himself in another big city with a big train station and got a major shock when leaving the bus. If he thought the one by the third floored mall was filled, he wasn’t sure how to describe this one. The bus had troubles driving because people were standing everywhere, the pavement so full they had to stand on the road as well. To even try to make his way through the mass of people caused him to receive some glares but it went smoother than it would have been expected. 

"We have some technical troubles, all trains in the county are cancelled for now."   
He had to look at the time table on the TV screen to confirm what he read, hoping it would be false, but all trains had been marked with an x. He wanted to cry then and there. 

 

He didn’t have social phobia or anything like that. He also did not dislike people or held a grudge. But this moment, after everything going wrong, he felt ready to break down and just let his feelings guide him to destruction by not allowing him to breathe properly. Breathing had been a problem for some hours now, but the more time passed with no information regarding the public transport, the worse it got. Would he be stuck here all night? When the trains started working, how would all these people fit on there? There were at least eight hundred people going to the same town. There had been a bus picking up some of them, but there was barely any time to realize fifty people left, before the place the fifty people had stood on, was covered again. He’d never be able to get home. He had to get out of the place before he passed out. 

 

He managed to find the public library somehow, having walked five minutes away from the major station in the center of the city. Because of the train problems, all other traffic took a hit and the lines were incredibly long unlike how it used to be on other days. He sat down, as isolated as he could and plugged his phone in. It had hit 1% when waiting in the sea of people, after he had used it back and forth, considering whether or not to call Johnny. He had decided not to. He couldn’t bother the other. 

 

That’s why he found himself where he was now. It was almost five in the afternoon, the sun still up and shining on him in the window. Should he contact Johnny? Would the older get mad Taeyong left to another city without a word? Had he realized he was very late? Did he even care? Taeyong shook his head. He couldn’t think of that now. He’d end up bursting out in tears and he could not afford to do so in a public library because of something as stupid as public transport not working. Breathing in deeply, he opened the browser on his computer, immediately going to Facebook. Zero messages. Of course there would be none, he’d be notified on his phone. But it still made him feel worse. Why had no one messaged? Maybe they wanted to get rid of him. He found himself staring at the screen, going back and forth between wanting to send someone a text and not, unsure of what to do. His parents lived too far away, they were no option. His sister...she didn’t live that far away. She lived close to where his university was. Same with Johnny. And all of his friends who have a license. But it was expensive to drive! That’s why he never drove himself. He had a license, so that was not a problem, but he had no car for the sake of it being too expensive for his own liking. He could spend that money on other stuff he needed. 

 

Ending up not calling anyone just yet, he had managed to get started on an essay due to next week, with the knowledge of having to redo it at least once as it probably ended up being a mess. The knot in his chest didn’t help, was this normal? Should he worry? For the umpteenth time that day, he could feel his vision blur because of tears. No. He wouldn’t. He picked up his phone from the floor and stared at the screen for a minute before going to the dial. Of course Johnny’s name was on the top. It made everything worse. No matter what he did, he kept coming back to the thought of whether or not to call his boyfriend. Suddenly everything reminded him of the taller. The geography books in the shelf across from him? Definitely, as Johnny was from the United States. The couple in the park on the backside of the library? Reminded him of their four year anniversary spent in Hangang Park. And the quiet murmur going around the building? Just like every other day they would be studying with company of some friends. He had to contact Johnny. 

 

He did have his lover’s number in his phone already, but he dialed it number by number nonetheless, having the combination memorized anyway. Taking a deep breath, he held the oxygen in as he waited for the familiar voice to reach his ears. It didn’t take long. 

“Taetae? Where are you?”

He couldn’t see due to the tears in his eyes, blinking rapidly to have them gone to no avail. When letting out the oxygen, it came out rigged and with difficulty, making his dearest on the other side aware he was not doing well. He couldn’t help it. Why hadn’t he called Johnny earlier? 

“Babe, what’s wrong? Has something happened? Where are you? Doyoung said you finished the test early, but it’s almost five now!”

“I-I’m stuck.”

“....Come again?”

“All trains are cancelled.”

There was silence aside from some ruffling and the sound of a door opening on the other side.

“Johnny?”

“Where are you? I’ll come and get you, just stay where you are.”

“N-no, don’t. I’ll get home eventually, just wanted to make sure you knew.”

“Don’t speak like that, where are you?”

“Don’t bother, it’s too far.”

“Hon, I already have my shoes on, you better tell me where you are or I’m tracking your phone.”

Deciding he had no choice but to tell the other, he gave out the city name. 

“I’ll be there as soon as I can, but it’ll probably take an hour. Stay at the library, okay? Don’t leave. okay? Don’t you dare walk out of that library, I don’t want you to give yourself anxiety like that.”

It was almost painful how well Johnny knew what the other could possibly think of doing. 

“Taeyong?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Library it is then. I’m leaving my dorm now, so see you in an hour. Don’t do anything stupid. Love you.”

Taeyong chuckled at the sound of Johnny’s lips making kissing sounds. 

“Love you too.”

 

As if almost on cue, he was approached one hour later, Taeyong was thankful he put his computer down, or else he’d not be able to attack the taller in a hug. 

“Someone has missed me?”, Taeyong could hear the older’s smirk but did nothing to tell the other off. Never had he ever expected himself to miss someone’s embrace this much. 

“How long has it been since you tried to get home?”

“Before I called you? Like four hours maybe? I can’t even remember to be honest.”

The younger wanted to curse the taller for pulling away so soon, but the disappointed frown on the other’s normally handsome features made him shut his mouth. 

“Why didn’t you call me straight away?”

Facing the ground, Taeyong swayed from side to side, as if afraid his boyfriend would get mad at him for real. 

“I...I thought you might be busy or something.”

“Yong, what’s the real reason? You know I only have one class, between 9 and 12 on Tuesdays.”

“I didn’t want to bother you. I want to be able to manage these type of things by myself.”

To his surprise, the American laughed. In all honesty laughing right in his face. 

“What’s so funny?”

“You’re so cute!”

Taeyong wasn’t sure how to react, no words coming out to respond to the statement.

“You can manage just fine by yourself already! You live at a freaking university, while working a part-time job and taking no help from your parents. Just because you can’t fix the whole traffic system, or whatever it is that has shut down, doesn’t mean you can’t manage. You don’t have to go through everything all by yourself.”

It made him feel stupid. Why had he been so hesitate? Why didn’t he just call in the very beginning? 

“I’m sorry.”

He felt hands grasp his face, fingertips ghosting over his cheekbones. 

“Look at me.”

Nothing but concern laced Johnny’s eyes, his stare so fond it made Taeyong’s cheeks heat up. 

“Boy, we really gotta work on your confidence. But not in a goddamn library. Let’s go to the car.”

 

The drive home did not go half as smoothly as they both wished for, as the public transport malfunctioning affected the regular traffic as well, putting them through long lanes. But at least they had each other. That was all needed in that moment.

“You know...I was looking forward to spending the night with you. I didn’t expect it to be in my dad’s old car, but...it’s really cozy. Who would’ve thought?”

“It’s because you’re here.”

“Sap.”

“You have no right to say that.”

As if practiced, their hands met between their seats, fingers intertwining. Johnny raised their connected hands to press a soft kiss to the skin of his lover’s hand. When letting their hands down, Taeyong guided them to his mid-thigh, now letting both his hands hold onto the slightly bigger one. Staring down at the tan skin belonging to the driver, he could feel most of the anxiety he had to held in through the day, leave his body. The car was overheated from the warmth of the spring sun, yet breathing was not a trouble. There were probably more than a hundred cars in the lanes around them, yet Johnny’s scent managed to keep him safe from the nuisance going on outside. It was getting late, yet he was not stressed about tomorrow. All that mattered in that exact moment was having Johnny by his side. He could finally let his guard down. 

**Author's Note:**

> quite literally a week ago i was sat in a library in another city because public transport shut down, so this one-shot happened!
> 
> and so apparently you don't say train/bus terminal in english?? i was shook to find out
> 
> talk to me on social media!  
> twitter, tumblr, curious cat: taemarkly  
> snapchat: salamiipnida


End file.
